This last year has made me think about life and meaning and hope and change, and the things that matter the most to me, the things that matter most in life. The things we chase after.
I heard a story recently from a friend, of a beautiful girl, who goes to a big UC school, who has big dreams of being a professional sports agent. And this girl knows that being a sports agent, and getting professional athletes to be clients is tough work. So her plan of action has been to analyze the stats of the best players of her school, and then sleep with them, in hopes of getting them to be her clients when they go pro. I heard that story about two weeks ago, and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. Thats alot of ingenuity…but really, how much money is she going to have to make to cover the cost of losing her soul? I know so many people that chase money, but for what? To have a big house with enough empty rooms to remind youself of how alone you really are? I just dont see the point, I dont want to get the the end of my life and have a house and a boat and a sportscar, only to realize that I chased the wrong things. Only to realize that my life didnt mean much to anyone other than myself.
As some of you know, I’m a big fan of Kanye West. He is comepletely honest about who he is, and he doesnt care what you think about him, and I find that facisnating. His brilliance is in understanding his own emotions, and his ability to express them. and although I dont like his last album (not one bit) I think it’s a facinating case of someone who has made it to the top….only to realize that it wasnt everything thing he thought it would be. He sings:
“Do you think I sacrificed real life, for all the fame and flashing lights? There are no clothes that I could buy, That could turn back the time, There is no vacation spot I could fly, That could bring back a piece of real life. It’s like I’m looking for something out there, trying to find something, I turn on the TV and see me and see nothing…”
I dont want to get to the end of my life an feel like Kanye West does now. I dont want to reach the end, and realize that is wasnt everything that I wanted. I dont want to be like Kanye and chase all the wrong things.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, especially with going home, I see so many old friends, who arent doing much more than they were doing when I left. And every time I go home it gets a bit harder, because all the things I wish were the same have changed, and all the things I wish had changed are exactly the same. I know so many of my old friends who’s lives arent what they’d hoped. I have a friend who hate the holidays because it reminds her that her dad isnt there. I have friends who go through the holidays with significant others who dont treat them well, others who struggle with their relationships with their parents, and still others who struggle to find reasons that they want to live. But mostly, I see people who struggle to live the lives that they want. And it seems like each time I come back, I see these same people becoming more and more complacent with the lives they have rather than striving for the lives they hoped for.
I see all these people back home chasing, and I’m not sure what they’re chasing, but I can’t hardly blame them, I rarely know what I’m chasing. But I do know that I want to chase after the right things, the things that matter. So that when next Christmas comes, I can sit around with the people I care about most and know that the last twelve months of my life meant something for me, and hopefully made a difference to them.
I dont know where you’re at in you’re life. But I hope that in the next year, you begin to live the life that you dreamed of. I’m still figuring it all out, and my guess is that you are too. So by the time we’re unwrapping presents next year, I hope that we’re both chasing the things we want, and chasing the things that matter.
Lastly, like I said, I know alot of people have a hard time with Christmas. I don’t have many answers, but someone very smart recently said something very insightful:
“the enormously bold claim of Christmas suggests that God loves us, and that he wants to know us. To say it a different way, it suggests that perhaps we were created to be loved, and created to be known. And the flip-side is that maybe we were made to love and to know as well. It’s a wild mysterious story and if it’s remotely true, then we’re far-less alone and far-more loved than we could ever know.” -TWLOHA
Happy Holidays everyone.